Moments

I'm all about first times and last times. Live for the moment. Have your fun. Try everything once. If you have the money, do it. Who's to say there is gonna be a tomorrow? At the end of your life, you'll be more disappointed by the stuff you didn't do when you had the chance as opposed to the stuff that you did do. Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself with experiences. Just don't die or get arrested in the process 

Conroy Cranston

Conroy Sydney Arthur Cranston, i kept calling you C - SAC (ball sac) :P

Nicknames: Conkie, Donkie, Fried Chicken, Stewie (hehe), Firangi, Chiknya, CONNNAAAAA!!!

Birth: 5th October 1989 (im older than you! hah!)

Favourite Colour: Purple and Black (emo fuck :P)

Favourite Songs: Fix you, All the above, Hey soul sister, May angels lead you in, Leave out all the rest, Replay, Forever Young

Last conversation we had in person:
Conroy: Dude, do me a favour na, take care of smriti for me
Kirsten: What? you think i dont have any better work to do? <evil smile>
Conroy: Asshole.... :P
And we hugged

Last conversation over the phone:
Conroy: WAzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Kirsten: Hello, how are you? having fun?
Conroy: Ya, finally working now, making 700 usd a month, you know what that means, party when i get back!!
Kirsten: Shack!!!
Conroy: Ya, and i get paid more for overtime also
Kirsten: So only boys on board na, that sucks!
Conroy: Ya man.
Kirsten: Dont worry, give it a couple of months, even them boys will look real attractive
Conroy: haha...
Kirsten: So did you rape any guy anally yet?
Conroy: Hehe, no!!
Kirsten: Did you get raped anally?
Conroy, NOOOOO!!!
Kirsten: Then balls your having fun....
Conroy: Aye ya!!!: P
Smriti: Hahahaha!

Psychologists say that when somebody dies, we cry more for ourselves and about how we cant cope without that person, rather than cry for that person. Its true, i dont know who to turn to without you.

I never got a chance to tell you how much i love you. You were the closest person to me for the longest period in my life, you are my brother, my best man, my best friend, my team mate.

You wanted smriti to have your ring incase anything happened to you, and i was next in line, i think its with her right now, and i think she deserves it more than i do as she was closer to you than anybody else :)

The cross i gave you is coming back too, so i shall keep that,
i wanted you buried with it, but that cross around my neck will always remind me of you :)

I am so happy you and smriti made the most of what you'll had while you'll had it, as much as i was grossed out by the PDA, i enjoyed every moment with you guys. You'll proved me wrong, as it stands that very rarely happens, so enjoy the moment :D

People told us we partied too much and theres plenty of time to do it with our own money, study now, stop being so wasted and do something with our lives, tell you the truth, they may have been right, but i am so happy we partied every weekend and sometimes through the week too....we made the most of the 6 months you were down here :')

We shared everything, from our food, to our rings and necklaces, our colognes, clothes and even women ;)

You've left me with this gaping hole in my life, i dont know how to fill it, but ill be strong, for those you love and those who love you. I cant replace you EVER, i wont. It was you and me against the world, always, somehow we never got along with boys very well, we were always closer to girls, but you and me, our relationship was written in stone, people called us gay, but that soon changed when they saw the list of girls.

Then they called us players and girls were told not to trust us, boy were they right :P

Remember how we laughed everytime we heard the stories and things people would say about us? They called us complete assholes, flirts, said we couldnt be trusted,
it was all true :) hehe, its just that we could be trusted, we trusted eachother with our lives.

Im sorry for whatever i have done to hurt you in the past, if anything at all, and i dont even remember you doing anything to ever hurt me, im a guy who always remembers wrongs, but you, you have a clean sheet with me, very tough for someone to do that in my life.

We made a pact to be eachothers best men,
You still are my best man, i shall keep a photograph of you, right next to me when im getting married, you are and always will be number one in line. I just wish i could have been yours.

When stephanie and eapens father passed away, you told me you hated to be at funerals, you avoided them no matter what, and i asked you if you would be there for mine, you smiled, i never imagined that i would be attending your funeral.

You wanted everyone to do a rum shot for you at your funeral, since this is india and we cant exactly arrange that, we shall have a small party instead and do that.

Im doing what i can to help out with things and console people, ill take good care of smriti, i know its really soon to be saying this but, for any future "guy" ill put myself in your shoes, and only if you would like him will i let her date him, otherwise ill have his balls cut off :)

Kanika, Smriti, You and I, did everything together, it hasnt really hit us properly because we got used to the fact that we werent going to see you for a year, finality, acceptance and closure will arrive only with the sight of you in that church, and as much as the choir sings and the church bells ring, our worlds have fallen silent without you. Six billion souls in the world, and sometimes, all you need, is one.

We shall be singing May angels lead you in for your funeral, im sure you would like that :)

Some of the best memories in my life, are with you, there was a point when you were obsessed with the song forever young, i listened to it last night, looks like you got your wish, you will be forever young :D


PS: ill still dance to all the above like you were right beside me :')

The Tragedy of Wall Street

I thought the Wolf of Wall Street was a highly overrated film. In all honesty I'd like to give the actors their due, Leonardo DiCaprio and Margot Robbie did a really good job, so did Jonah Hill. But apart from drugs and money, there was no epic twist, nothing remotely outstanding about the movie. It looked like a bad fusion of Scarface and Entourage and it really hurts that I have to compare it to Scarface which was a masterpiece. In all honesty the whole movie was the typical rags to riches story, money, drugs, tits and ass (definitely not Margot's cause she doesn't have any), drugs, Quaalude, sex and the cycle goes on. The second half of the movie after the interval was painfully dragged, To make things worse, scenes which could have helped save the movie, such as him snorting cocaine off various places, the gay party scene in his apartment and various other ones where just censored out. I'd probably give the movie a 6.5/10 for how funny the build up is, but that's me being nice. The main reason this movie caught such good reviews is cause of the language and open adult humour since the American Pie series. Apart from that Leonardo and Martin Scorsese's name literally sold the movie. People really need to think twice before rating a movie an 8.7/10 or a 4 star rating. More so, it is DEFINITELY not worth a theater watch.

Date a girl who you can make Happy.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who bakes. Date a guy who reads. Don't date a girl who reads. I've been seeing a lot of these blogs/articles/posts online. What is wrong with everyone? Are people completely and utterly retarded? You don't date someone because they read.

You don't even date them because they do the same things as you. You date a person for who they are! Who you are, is what you do in everyday life, your deeds, your compassion towards other beings, your heart. You date someone for how they make you feel.

Before someone pipes in and says "Reading is something someone does, it contributes to who a person is. Its a choice, and it improves your thinking." Let me tell you this. I completely agree. Reading novels however, DOES NOT make you smart. Nor does it improve your IQ. Intelligence comes from text books. Not fantasy stories and controversial books. The most you'd do is day dream about being in those worlds and improve your vocabulary. Hardly anything worthwhile. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE fantasy novels like Harry Potter, comic books like Superman (duh!) and stories which keep you hooked from start to finish, but you have to love the person who is reading the book. Not love them because they are reading that book. Not because they love the same songs as you do. Not because she's 5'8" has a great body and is really good in bed.

Too many people are searching for someone perfect. Someone who is exactly like us, Others are with someone because they're afraid of being alone. Then there are those who are only dating cause they're bored or they're in need of a slam piece. Its sad really. What love has become in the 21st century. Call me old fashion, call me gay, call me a hippie or cheesy, but when you find that one person, your world will change.

We're fooling ourselves. We're thinking with our brain, not our heart. Someone can stimulate you mentally, and to us, that seems like a good match in our heads. So we tell ourselves they're right for us. But has anyone actually listened to their heart?

Do you really love them or do you just like them and have a tiny crush cause they look good and they're reading the same book you read a few weeks ago? The world is fucking mad. We're fooled into believing love stories which have epic beginnings and magical endings, Love isn't like that. Love is compromise. Learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. THAT is love.

Love is a two way street. She has to feel the same way around you, as you do around her. If its one sided, then they aren't the one for you. Find someone who makes you laugh, find someone who you can sit on a couch with, while you do your thing, she does hers and just being around each other is enough. Find someone who you're insanely comfortable around, who you wouldn't think twice about hugging and kissing and everything just feels natural. Use your head and follow your heart. Find someone who you can make happy and in doing that, makes you happy.

Crazy lil thing called Love.

Human beings are in constant search of their soul mates or since some people do not like that term, lets say, they're in search for the best possible match. There is no such thing as the perfect person. But there is such a thing as the perfect person for you. Plato wrote that we were beings with four hands, four legs and two heads, and Zeus fearing our power split us up into two halves, hence we are destined to roam the Earth searching for our other half.

How do you know if someone is right for you? As someone who is quite social, I get along really well with most people. So how would I know if that girl I met the other day could be the one? I seem to get along really well with most of my female friends. Are we looking for that spark? That moment when you look into someones eyes and everyone around you'll disappears?  Those few seconds of instant attraction where your mind is fumbling around for what to say, you think something, but something else comes out, your body is screaming so many different things at you, your stomach is doing somersaults, your hands get a little shaky and you over analyse everything you've said or are about to say? Is that what I and everyone else is looking for? What if it doesn't exist, what if all that cause us to act like a monkey who is getting drunk and electrocuted at the same time was a slight misfire of neurons in the brain or just a simple awkward moment where you were lost for words?

It is often said that the perfect person for you has been in plain sight all along. What if this person is your best friend? Think about it. They've always been there for you. You trust them with all your secrets. It doesn't matter if they've loved before or said they'd never love again, they love you now, and that's all that matters. They understand you, they get you. Can even predict you at times.
Falling in love with your best friend is a beautiful thing. They're the closest person to you at this point of time, they're chat window is always open on your phone, they're the first to know about every major event of your life and the intricate details of all the minor ones too.

Whether you like it or not, you are already in an emotional relationship with them. You'll are typically like a couple and tend to ditch other, less important people to meet each other. Sometimes even boyfriends and girl friends get a rain check for your best friend.

But what if your best friend and your significant other were the same person? Can't be done you say? Why? Because sometimes, some people are meant to be your girl/boyfriends and some people are meant to be your best friends. Because you know when you have had a rough day and you need someone to make it better there is a best friend or if you want to make it worse there is a girl/boyfriend? Or is it because of a lack of physical attraction?

Let me tell you something about physical attraction: There is no barrier that alcohol can't break. Enough said. Then again, some people say that if alcohol is needed, it wasn't meant to be. Well electricity was discovered because lighting struck, not because someone slowly cranked up a generator.
People are afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of going through all the wrong people, afraid of dating the right ones cause they might lose them.

You can go through your whole twenties doing one night stands and friends with benefits or whatever other arrangements people have these days, but you will still feel all alone. Because at the end of they day, we're all human, and being human, we need to find that connection. There is that popular saying, "Its not about who you wanna spend Saturday night with, its about who you wanna spend all day Sunday with."

Don't be afraid, ask them out. Test the waters. If you'll are that good friends, you'll can come back from anything. Love is a an amazing feeling and we will only have one true love in our whole life. Don't worry about being friend zoned, don't worry about your heart being broken, you've already trusted them with your heart the minute you called them your best friend.

Its really sad what people call love these days, there are no more romantic gestures, there is nothing sacred anymore, nothing saved just for a relationship. Its really sad that there is no lying down under the stars, speaking your hearts out, doing something just to see them smile. everything is about hooking up and having fun.

In a world which advocates sex, true love is dying. Be romantic, make the first move, your best friend is your soul mate, you'll weren't stuck with each other, you'll found and chose each other. Don't stop believing in true love, don't stop believing in the possibilities.

How can you sit next to them when everything within you is screaming that they're the one for you. If your face lights up when you see them, if your day is better, if all the hot chocolate in the world doesn't make you feel as good as their hugs do. You've found the person you're looking for. I cannot promise you that this relationship will work or even go the distance, but I can promise you that if you give it a shot, you'll be really happy wherever it goes, it will be one of the best relationships of your life.

There is someone who you've been thinking about while reading this. Just saying.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Reason

There's a reason for the cage of ribs around our hearts.

There's a secret that never started as one, but in forgetting, became the one we keep from ourselves.

That our rib cage is a bird cage, rusted metal and squeaking hinge and our heart is a bird.

Our memories line the bottom of our swinging cage like newspaper and torn shreds of torn wishes, like steady wing beat that echoes in the hollow of our chest.

Listen to the sound, the frantic and desperate flapping when our heart, our bird, finds another and feels the wind from their wings stretched and hopeful.

Listen to the sound when their song becomes our song and they sing together.

Can we open the gates to these rib cages and with message wrapped tight to the feet send our birds out to explore?

Will we feel our birds when they fall madly in love with the world, with their own flight, with another?

Will we have the courage to keep those gates open and let our birds fly?

Are we given the keys to these gates, are they built in and left dangling around our necks or are they hidden with the secret that never started as one but in forgetting became the one that we still keep from ourselves?

Will we always?

Our ribs ache for longer than we can admit and somehow, sometimes we lose those keys to those gates and those hearts, those birds forget how to fly.

We cannot let our birds fall with their feathers, ancient and loose with a lack of use; we cannot let them bury themselves in memories, the torn shreds of torn wishes that line in the bottom of these rib cages.

Reach into your chest and tear the gates down, shake life into your heart and throw it to the air.

Let falling become flying because they never forgot how.

Let falling become flying and don't wait, never wait for your bird to come home.

There's no reason for the cage of ribs around our hearts.

Open your hearts, and you will know love.


~ Tyler Knot Gregson

Irena Sendler